What hurts the Most

Riverside County coroner's officials this morning identified a 14-year-old boy who died last night when he was struck by a car while walking along a street in the Jurupa area.

Ian James Griott of Riverside was walking on Limonite Avenue about 80 feet east of Camino Real about 7:16 p.m. when he was struck, according to the Riverside County coroner's office. He died about 7:24 p.m.

The California Highway Patrol is investigating the death.

"I was at the scene just moments after it happened. I saw him laying in the street and didn't know that he had died until the Sherriff Deputy covered him with a white sheet. I was just driving to the store when I saw this, and I talked to some of the witnesses. They told me that they saw the boy get struck by a small sized car, then was thrown into the air. On his way down he was struck by a SUV that was behind the smaller car. The smaller car fled the scene while the SUV pulled over to help the boy. Very sad. there is a shopping center and 7-11 across the street, maybe that's where he was going."

"He was on his way to see his girlfriend and walked out into traffic was struck by a car, and was killed instantly."

When someone dies, there is a terrifying feeling that enters you. Weather you knew that person or not, you still feel this deep shutter of sadness over whelming your body and your heart. Death is known to be a sad thing, because of the loss that comes with the death of a loved one. And that is completely true, death is a sad thing to endure. Everyone will miss that person who has left us.

But then I wonder to myself... "is that selfish of me?"... Because if you think bout it, that person, could be up in heaven with Our Lord, Our Father, who created us. We ALL yearn to be with Him, even if you don't feel like it, YOU DO. Thats how we were created, to love Him and to be with Him. So when a person leaves his earthly life down here with us, he is really possibly journeying to his ETERNAL life with our Father, who we all love! So I SHOULD be happy for that someone who has died, because he has a chance to meet God! To be eternally happy, carefree, and pure in heaven with Father! 

But of course, I KNOW, that doesn't make the tears or pain any better. But knowing in my heart that He is in a better place, helps, a little bit, right? Maybe, just maybe. It hurts though, you know? It's this unfathomable pain that you cannot possibly explain that just consumes all your thoughts your dreams, and your reality. It sometimes makes your mind unreal, and scattered, in shock. It makes you want to cling to and hold dear to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE you know! But it hurts, and thats why you grab hold to the things you know will hold firm... but then again.... you thought that person you loved would hold firm too, thats why you didn't worry before... but now you do.

See, well, I guess I should tell you the reason for all of this.

Ian James Griott of Riverside, was my little brother.

I had practically raised my baby brother for the first 8 years of his life. Until my mom, Carrie, passed away, and then I was not able to see my little brother Ian, or my little sister Erin. 6 years had gone past and I was only talking on the phone as an acquaintance to him, because he never saw me. He was turning into a young man, and I wasn't there to see it happen. And one day there was an article in the paper two days later, much like the one above. And it was confirmed that my Little brother, who wasn't so little anymore, was gone. And I didn't even know him. I think thats what hurts the most, that I loved him so much, but never had the opportunity to to know him. 

When people ask me if Im ok, I tell them I am... because thats what I feel I'm suppose to say... but I guess thats a lie because, I'm not doing ok.... I will make it out ok I guess... I wish I could tell you the way I feel... I cant tell you what it really is, I can only explain what it feels like... and right now, it feels like I'm being choked at the wind pipe. It feels like a constant wet face, when Im alone. A serious head ache... from the crying... shaking from, the sadness... and sore stomach from the nerves... feeling as if, I have nothing to do... or, not KNOWING what to do! I don't know why it feels this way, but it does! All the time. And I put on a good face, for the crowd which can be easy and ok...but when the silence hits me, it hits hard, and then everything falls apart.

 Ian had just turned 14 on November 5th... and was killed on Nov. 12... The last time I saw Ian my baby brother, he was 8... and I DONT even really know what he would look like now... 

I KNOW though, that by the Grace of God, I will be ok, my family will be ok, and God will bless the broken road. I KNOW He WILL!!!